what comes next

highlights of the past two weeks:

1. ESU accepted student day. Went alright, i guess.
2. Dropped one jean size, which means prom dress will have to be altered.
3. Bedroom is redone and ive never slept better.
4. First time in a while the boy and i havent felt tension.
5. Saturday is the first time in a while well be going on a "date."

i really dont feel like explaining any of them, but i guess things have been going alright. as of now im just waiting to hear back about my scholarship applications, and whatever money ill get from FAFSA. not paying for anything for college has become both a goal and an obsession. either way ill be putting myself through, so i guess i should be proud of all of the accomplishments ive made over the past five months. still, nothing ever feels good enough. im sick of trying to be something that i dont feel i am, and im just trying to get back to the simple things. i took a book out of the library and i just finished it today. i used to love reading, i dont know why i stopped. i also went running for a couple miles today. i love that too and for some reason i stopped. i dont know, i guess ive become disconnected with myself over the past few weeks because of the stress of school and financial aid and figuring out what im doing with my life. i think the relaxing ive been doing lately has been good for the boy too.. i feel terrible about the way ive been acting, and although its like he doesnt notice, i notice the change. ive never seen anyone love a person more than he loves me, and hes treats me like someone truly special.

i need to just calm down. i dont know why im so tense all the time.

i think i need to make a few more changes in my life.

change of plans, new goal:

- to become a healthy, pleasant, unstressed person.

lets see how easily that goal is obtained...